The phrase “stranger danger” is usually reserved for children and personal safety, but it has a surprising relevance for adults and their finances. An overlooked danger for many of us is becoming strangers to our own money. How does this happen? We become disengaged from the decisions, documents, and dynamics that shape our financial lives. When that happens, the risks are no longer storied–they can be quite real.
This danger is painstakingly illustrated in Belle Burden’s Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage. While technically it’s a memoir, practically it can read like a financial horror story. Without giving away too much, readers meet a wealthy, Harvard-educated woman who makes a series of financial missteps while trying to signal love, trust, and cooperation to her husband. She is not reckless or uninformed; she is generous, optimistic, and eager to build a life for and with her family. Yet in the process, Belle becomes a stranger not only to her spouse but to her own economic reality.
The story has sparked a wave of conversations online and off. One common chant is, “Changing the prenup was a red flag!” It’s an understandable reaction. But I would argue that the most important financial lesson here isn’t actually about prenups, or even about the way property is titled. Life has a way of veering off course. Careers, health, markets and people have ways of changing. What’s vital is to stay engaged in the process so you can see those deviations as they happen and work to course-correct rather than waking up years later to discover how far you’ve drifted.
In Belle’s case, life changed dramatically after the pre-nuptial agreement was signed. She left her career as a corporate attorney at a prestigious law firm to stay home and raise their children. Her spouse, who had entered the marriage with no wealth of his own, became a successful hedge fund executive – wealthy in his own right. The economic power dynamics of the marriage flipped, but the prenup did not. What was once protective for Belle became increasingly risky as her earnings–and assets–disappeared, while his soared. And still, the outdated prenup remained in place.
At one point, after more than a decade of marriage, dissolving the prenup found its way onto the agenda for a meeting with her spouse and their attorneys. It was literally on the list. But they never got to it. Life, emotions, and discomfort intervened. The conversation was deferred—and with it, Belle’s opportunity to realign her legal and financial reality with the life she was actually living.
This is a powerful reminder that there is often no magical “someday” when all the hard, awkward, and/or uncomfortable financial conversations happen. There is only the present moment and whether we choose to use it. Avoidance is a decision, too — and in time, it can convert what began as benign neglect into a total dumpster fire.
Belle’s story shows the rewards that can come from participating in your financial planning, and the severe consequences that can arise from being absent. Being “nice,” “low-maintenance,” or “hands off” with your finances is not a virtue when it means you are out of the loop on decisions that shape your future. You don’t have to manage everything alone, but you do have to show up.
That’s where your financial advisor comes in — but only if you refuse to be a stranger. Financial professionals can help distill complex information, outline options, and guide you toward sound decisions. They can run the scenarios, stress-test the plans, and forecast how different choices might play out. What they cannot do is read your mind or reconstruct crucial context you never share. Good planning relies on both technical expertise and the personal information you provide: your goals, your concerns, your relationships, and your trade-offs. When you are emotionally, mentally or physically absent from the process, the plan inevitably becomes less aligned with your real life.
So what does it look like to stay engaged? It means working with professionals you can speak candidly with, even when the topics feel sensitive or uncomfortable. It means advisors who insist that you join calls and meetings, not just your spouse or partner. It means asking questions until you understand; not nodding along to avoid feeling uneducated or difficult. It means revisiting key documents such as wills, prenups, beneficiary designations, partnership agreements when life changes, not treating them as one-and-done.
Most importantly, it means seeing yourself as one of your own best advocates, alongside your financial planner. A good advisor will welcome that advocacy. They will not be threatened by your questions or your desire for clarity; they will see it as a sign that you are invested in your own wellbeing.
“Stranger danger” in adulthood can be about drifting away from the conversations and decisions that determine your financial security. Don’t be a stranger to your money. Don’t be a stranger to your advisor. Show up, speak up, and make sure your financial life reflects the person you are today and the person you’d like to be tomorrow rather than just the assumptions you made years ago.
Clarity Planning , 12920 Conamar Dr, Ste 202, Hagerstown MD 21742. Tel 301.739.7002. Investment advisory services offered through Raymond James Financial Services Advisors, Inc. Clarity Planning is not a registered broker/dealer and is independent of Raymond James Financial Services. Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc., member FINRA / SIPC
